April 13, 2011

Special Meaning for the Disabled

Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls:
Yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will joy in the God of my salvation.

Habakkuk 3:17-18

Posted by Andy at 03:22 PM to the Faith category

September 11, 2010

Remembering the Right Way

I know from unique life circumstances that it can be very easy to hold onto negatives with the best of intentions. The "never forget" mantra that is overwhelmingly used on this date can and does lead in such a direction easily. Let us truly never forget the words of Christ in Matthew 5:43-45.

You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

Today is a great day to turn the negative into positive by doing charity work or making a healthy donation to Pakistan flood relief or a similar cause.

Posted by Andy at 03:53 PM to the

June 22, 2010

Health Care FAQ - 2

Weeks have passed since the new health care plan was signed into law, but it seems that most people still have no idea what that plan entails. As a community service, Joe Chiappa has formulated several more questions to include within my Health Care FAQ. I think it is fair to say that if you are not completely informed after reading this, you are probably hopeless.

  1. Q) I am morbidly obese, how can you help me?

    A (L) Under the new Healthcare plan, you will be provided with a physician, a nutritionist, a personal trainer and a gym membership, all at no cost to you. If you do not feel like exercising or eating right, a plastic surgeon and liposuction will be provided instead, all at no cost.

    A (C) Given the incredible financial burden created by the Healthcare plan, obesity will be declassified as a disease and instead those who are overweight will have to complete "fitness tests" to determine eligiblity for healthcare. These tests will involve seeing whether you can outrun wild dogs.

  2. Q) I have just been shot, how will your the new health plan help me?

    A (L) You should seek medical attention. Go to your nearest hospital and you will recieve immediate, high quality care, all covered by your insurance provider. You do not even need to provide your name or details on how it happened.

    A (C) You should seek medical attention. Please go to your insurance provider's website, fill out a "Request to Seek Medical Services" form. Click submit. You will be called within 48-72 hours when an available hospital will be able to see you and address your issues. Please be sure to print out the form in triplicate and have your co-pay ready upon arrival.

  3. Q) My Cousin Lives in America... Am I eligible for healthcare under the new plan?

    A (L) Yes, you, your cousin, your unborn children, and your dead relatives are all covered under the new plan at no additional cost

    A (C) Yes, provided that you lived in America during specific dates where you were grandfathered into the healthcare plan. If not, you will be kept out of America using a large fence and wild dogs will be dispatched to prevent you from entering the country.

  4. Q) Will my wild dog be covered under the new healthcare bill?

    A (L) Yes, your wild dog, pet or farm animal will be covered, all at no cost. Deceased animals are covered as well.

    A (C) No, wild dogs would not be covered, however they are eligible to apply for a new state funded employment program.

Posted by Andy at 04:13 PM to the Politics category

March 30, 2010

Health Care FAQ

There has been a great deal of debate about the health care bill recently signed by the President. Over the past months it has been difficult to ferret out the truth amidst all the political maneuvering. As a conscientious citizen, I have taken the liberty of compiling a list of five commonly asked questions that should help you understand our new law more fully, and have researched the answers exhaustively, using cable news programs as my primary sources.

I learned during my search for truth that there are in fact two independent and totally factual realities in America, so as an upstanding citizen I have supplied the answers to these questions for both liberals (first, in blue) and conservatives (second, in red). You can thank me later.

  1. Q) What will happen to my current health care coverage under the new system?

    A (L) Your current coverage will not change unless you are unhappy with it. In the latter case, it will change to meet your personal specifications at no additional charge. Up to two private nurses will be provided per person, free of charge, to deal with your personal needs.

    A (C) Your current coverage will be canceled and given to illegal immigrants. In addition, wild dogs may be sent to your house to attack you. Any injuries incurred by wild dogs must be paid out of pocket.

  2. Q) How will we pay for the new health care bill?

    A (L) Since the new plan provides greatly increased care for no additional money, there is no need to worry about this issue. In the highly unlikely case that costs to the government are incurred at some point, small tax increases will be applied only to people you do not personally like. In addition, wild dogs may be dispatched to attack those people at no additional cost to you.

    A (C) Your taxes will be increased to 95% of your current income. A small, government planned packet of food will arrive in the mail once per week based on the number of members in your family. Each packet will include one frozen vegetable, one grain or potato, and one serving of protein not to exceed 4 oz per person over the age of 18.

  3. Q) Does the health care bill have support from the medical community?

    A (L) Yes. Everyone will be covered under the current plan. As a result, medical professionals of all types will be able to afford to focus on curing all known diseases, including the raising of the dead, who also receive health care coverage under this legislation. Doctors will flock to the US to take advantage of this groundbreaking opportunity.

    A (C) No. Due to the lack of competition created by the new legislation, doctors will be forced to treat only themselves or members of Congress to avoid massive financial losses. Any treatment you receive must be paid out of pocket and is subject to government taxation. As a result, most doctors and other health care professionals will be forced to relocate to other countries in order to survive.

  4. Q) How will the insurance companies be regulated?

    A (L) Reasonable rules will be put in place to ensure that you, the consumer, have full control of all elements of your plan, from its inception until your "post-life". (This term has been created to label deceased Americans who qualify for health care coverage. In the event that your doctor is able to raise you from the dead, all charges incurred will be payed for in full by your insurance provider.) Since all health care companies have unlimited financial resources, all regulatory costs will be incurred by those companies at no risk.

    A (C) Unnecessary government regulations will instantly bankrupt all insurance companies, transferring the costs to you, the consumer, and forcing the government to assume full control of all health care payments in perpetuity. Once the US government is bankrupted, wild dogs will roam the streets, attacking innocent civilians with no health care coverage.

  5. Q) How will the new plan affect senior citizens?

    A (L) As with everyone else, all seniors will be fully covered under the new plan. Those with serious medical conditions will be supplied a personal doctor equipped with a research team to find solutions. Should your personal doctoral research team be unable to cure your particular ailments, your post-life insurance coverage will allow your team to resurrect you once the technology becomes available. Your personal team will remain attached to your case throughout the entire process.

    A (C) The sweeping changes to healthcare include cuts to medicare in order to implement juries that will determine whether you live or die. As such, those who survive the death panel gauntlet will have no coverage, possibly leaving them open to attack by wild dogs. Those who are voted down in death panels will be euthanized, costing you, the taxpayer, billions, and using up millions of acres of valuable real estate for unmarked graves.

Posted by Andy at 03:45 PM to the Politics category

October 22, 2008


Over the past few weeks I've been tinkering with a game called Spore. The idea of the game is to evolve a creature of your own creation from a single cell, onto land, and eventually into the space age. This game is adorable to say the least, and is a great fit for me.

I started the game by creating the "mottled cephalopoids", which are based on a squid anatomy tailored to living on land. These cephalopoids are devoutly religious vegetarians who get along well with their neighbors, unless those neighbors try to eat them of course. I have since created a whole fleet of vehicles for the later stages. Both the creature and its vehicles are posted below.

The Creature

mottled cephalopoid dancing tribal mottled cephalopoid posing civilized mottled cephalopoid

The mottled cephalopoid managed to maintain all of its deep sea style when migrating onto land.

Left: Basic mottled cephalopoid
Middle: Tribal mottled cephalopoid (dancing)
Right: Civilization and space-age mottled cephalopoid (posing)

The Vehicles

Vehicles in Spore are broken down into religious, economic, and military. Each coincides with one of the 3 playstyles you can choose in the game. The cephalopoids are religious, but each city they convert is able to retain its own specialty, so it pays to be prepared.

Cephaloprophet 3000L™ Cephaloprophet 4000S™ Cephaloprophet 5000A™

Cephaloprophet 3000L: Designed with style and performance in mind, the Cephaloprophet 3000L™ delivers religious persuasion from comfortable bucket seating. See your local dealer for accessories, such as a 5.1 underwater music simulator and extra cupholders.

Cephaloprophet 4000S: Sleak, stylish and most of all, convincing, the Cephaloprophet series takes religious fervor to the seas with the 4000S. Ask about our "no money down" financing options.

Cephaloprophet 5000A: Religious zeal takes to the air with the Cephaloprophet 5000A™. Complete with cutting edge trumpetacle technology, who can resist its musical message?

Squid-Pro-Quo Caravan Squid-Pro-Quo Fleetmaster Squid-Pro-Quo Airship

Squid Pro Quo Caravan: Style, style, and more style - that's what the Squid Pro Quo Caravan brings to the negotiating table. Who can resist plush leather seating, rear rocket boosters, and 6 tentacle drive? Not you, that's for sure.

Squid Pro Quo Fleetmaster: The Squid Pro Quo Fleetmaster takes economic power to the place Mottled Cephalopoids know best - the seas!

Squid Pro Quo Airship: Fashionable, fun, and far *more* than simply affordable, the Squid Pro Quo Airship delivers a return on investment in no time. Featuring a perma-shine™ gemstone coat, the Airship is sure to be noticed by friends and competitors alike!

Humboldt 31A Land Predator Humboldt 71R - The Iron Tentacle Humboldt 65D Flying Mollusk

Humboldt 31A Land Predator: To those who believe Mottled Cephalopoids will never truly master the land, watch out! The Humboldt 31A Land Predator delivers a punishing payload while maintaining all the comfort and flare expected from the patented Cephalopoid design.

Humboldt 71R - The Iron Tentacle: Due in large part to the Humboldt 71R, codenamed "The Iron Tentacle", the Mottled Cephalopoids are the undisputed masters of sea warfare. Unlike most enemy vessels, the Humboldt excels at diving deep and striking from below.

Humboldt 65D Flying Mollusk: Built with a solid titanium mantle and superior targeting optics, the Humboldt 65D rains death from above on uncooperative targets. The 65D was nicknamed the Flying Mollusk by test pilots early in production, a name that has remained popular ever since.

... and finally...

the Squidship Enterprise

The Squidship Enterprise! Our 5 year mission: to seek out new life, and new civilizations. To boldly go where no squid has gone before!

Posted by Andy at 03:06 PM to the Games category