June 22, 2010

Health Care FAQ - 2

Weeks have passed since the new health care plan was signed into law, but it seems that most people still have no idea what that plan entails. As a community service, Joe Chiappa has formulated several more questions to include within my Health Care FAQ. I think it is fair to say that if you are not completely informed after reading this, you are probably hopeless.

  1. Q) I am morbidly obese, how can you help me?

    A (L) Under the new Healthcare plan, you will be provided with a physician, a nutritionist, a personal trainer and a gym membership, all at no cost to you. If you do not feel like exercising or eating right, a plastic surgeon and liposuction will be provided instead, all at no cost.

    A (C) Given the incredible financial burden created by the Healthcare plan, obesity will be declassified as a disease and instead those who are overweight will have to complete "fitness tests" to determine eligiblity for healthcare. These tests will involve seeing whether you can outrun wild dogs.

  2. Q) I have just been shot, how will your the new health plan help me?

    A (L) You should seek medical attention. Go to your nearest hospital and you will recieve immediate, high quality care, all covered by your insurance provider. You do not even need to provide your name or details on how it happened.

    A (C) You should seek medical attention. Please go to your insurance provider's website, fill out a "Request to Seek Medical Services" form. Click submit. You will be called within 48-72 hours when an available hospital will be able to see you and address your issues. Please be sure to print out the form in triplicate and have your co-pay ready upon arrival.

  3. Q) My Cousin Lives in America... Am I eligible for healthcare under the new plan?

    A (L) Yes, you, your cousin, your unborn children, and your dead relatives are all covered under the new plan at no additional cost

    A (C) Yes, provided that you lived in America during specific dates where you were grandfathered into the healthcare plan. If not, you will be kept out of America using a large fence and wild dogs will be dispatched to prevent you from entering the country.

  4. Q) Will my wild dog be covered under the new healthcare bill?

    A (L) Yes, your wild dog, pet or farm animal will be covered, all at no cost. Deceased animals are covered as well.

    A (C) No, wild dogs would not be covered, however they are eligible to apply for a new state funded employment program.

Posted by Andy at June 22, 2010 04:13 PM to the Politics category
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